My children don’t accept my new partner
Anita Jahrmann-Foidl tells us more: “Particularly if the separation was a very problematic one and there were conflicts about the children, the kids have difficulties with a new partner.” The counselor advises giving it time before you first introduce them.
“You should only do it when you yourself are sure that they’re right for you.” Uncertainties will transfer to the children and their reaction will tend to be one of rejection. The meeting should take place in a neutral location, as children react more sensitively in their own home. “It’s particularly important to clarify the role the new person will take on in the family structure in advance.
For example you need to determine whether taking on parental responsibilities is permitted or desired,” says Jahrmann-Foidl. The top priority is always honesty: “Children notice a lot more than you think. If you just introduce your new partner as an acquaintance, the kids will quickly figure it out.” You then need to give the children time to get used to the person and build a relationship.
The counselor recommends getting to know them gradually through experiences: “Positive contact with children and young people in the form of doing nice activities together works best. But please don’t force them – it should be voluntary.”
If you want to talk to a professional about this topic, the counselors at the Austrian family counseling centers will be happy to help free of charge. Please arrange an appointment.
Our interview partner
Anita Jahrmann-Foidl is a psychotherapist and head of the Family Centers in Wiener Neustadt and Baden, Lower Austria, run by the Caritas of the Archdiocese of Vienna.
Caritas der Erzdiözese Wien
Albrechtskreithgasse 19 – 21
1160 Vienna
Website Caritas Vienna
The interview was conducted in September 2021.
More articles on the topics:
When parents work and have to have other people look after their children, this is often accompanied by a feeling of guilt.
From a certain age, parents ask themselves whether and for how long they can leave children alone at home. There are legal stipulations, but it also depends on how independent the child is.
_Pensionssplittinh.jpg)
In voluntary pension splitting, the pension entitlements of one spouse are split between the two spouses. The idea is to balance out the financial loss that results from time spent raising children. It’s mostly women who benefit from this partnership-based solution. What do you do, though, if you can’t agree on it as a couple?
