Psychological violence in a partnership

“If these negative behaviours occur in a partnership, this can quickly become a massive problem,” says Gabriele Schick.

This form of violence is often used by women if they don’t know how to handle power structures and competition. The traditional roles that still dominate of “women are supposed to feel what their partner needs” mean reaching for this more subtle form of violence is more common. “A typical female punishment can be the withdrawal of love – a classic weapon used by women. Or they put down their partner in front of the children,” the counselor says. It can occur in both genders.

The first step is to be sensitive to it – to notice whether incidents of this type repeat themselves. If this is the case, you have to talk about it using words like “I don’t think it’s OK for you to talk about me like that in front of the children.”

Often the initial reaction from the partner is defensive. Schick says “stay calm and say that the behaviour is upsetting you and that you would like them to be more respectful.”
If these initial steps don’t bring about an improvement, an expert is recommended. “It often comes down to communication difficulties – one person doesn't understand the other. A professional can work kind of like an interpreter,” the psychologist tells us. Working through all types of psychological violence between parents is important simply just in light of transgenerational passing to children.

If you need help or advice, you can arrange a free appointment at one of the Austrian counseling centers. You can find a suitable one on our website using the search function.

Our interview partner

Gabriele Schick is a psychotherapist and life counselor at Basis Beratung in Reutte, Tyrol.

BASIS Frauenservice & Familienberatung Außerfern
Planseestraße 6
6600 Reutte
Website BASIS

The interview was conducted in December 2020.