Ein kleines Mädchen sieht ängstlich über den Rand ihres Gitterbettes.

Domestic violence: when men become violent

physical violance

The pandemic has shown that tense situations resulted in various unexpected potential sources of violence.

Family counselor Alexander Haydn knows that it is primarily men who become physically and psychologically abusive. “On the one hand it’s because of hormones. Men's actions are controlled by testosterone while women have more oestrogen. On the other hand it is linked to socialisation and the patriarchal pattern of thinking buried deep in men’s psyches.”

Putting it in terms of the classical roles, men act externally while women act internally. The expert has a suggestion for how to prevent a possible outburst: “Within the family, agree what happens when it all gets too much. It’s best to get out of the situation – to leave the flat or house and go for a walk, remembering to be sensitive to family members’ concerns that they won't come back.”

A sensitised perception is needed that shows that the person is getting really agitated. Haydn calls these early warning signs that need to be identified and recognised. It could be physical in the form of muscle tension or clenched teeth, or it could be emotional when anger, rage, sadness or desperation occur. At a rational level, in the early stages the thought is: “If she...again, I'll...” The fourth level is the behavioural level: individual patterns occur here that can be recognised in the animal kingdom. It could be pacing round the table or (in a figurative sense) banging on the table.
If one or more of these signals occur, it should be balanced out as quickly as possible. “Physical and mental exercises you can learn are very good for reducing the level of stress,” the counselor recommends.

If an outburst of violence does occur, help needs to be sought. “Even if it’s the first time, it will happen again,” Alexander Haydn says from experience. Violent men can register for programmes in which they learn to identify the early warning signs and learn methods to de-escalate the situation.
If domestic violence is occurring in your family, contact one of the Austrian family counseling centers. You can use the search engine on our website to find the right one for you. Immediate assistance is also available there for partners of violent men.