How children change life as a couple
“In this phase of life you are entering new spheres, and most of them are largely unknown.” Despite all of the advice in the literature, you ultimately have to discover this triangulation (which is what the expansion of the reference system to include a third person is called in specialist terminology) in a very subjective way.
Even in advance it can be helpful for future parents to talk about their expectations. They can ask one another, for example “what do you think is coming? Do you have any fears or only positive expectations?”. The most common problem is a lack of time together as a couple.
“In our counselling sessions we mostly hear that the men continue to live in their usual routine while the changes are mostly bigger for women,” Bitzan says.
The counsellor recommends that couples do things for each other that nourish the soul, like being there for one another, talking, giving the other person space, talking about their needs and being as understanding as possible.
How people feel in this time of change as a result of a child also has a lot to do with the family they come from. Even if you’ve decided to raise your own child in a very different way to the way you were raised, you’re often a “slave to your roots”. You can try to discover these when talking to your partner, creating an understanding with them.
Discussions with other couples who have been parents for longer or having your discussion supported by a professional from a counselling centre can also be helpful.
“Try to accept your difficulties, they are OK and perfectly normal,” says Bitzan. This could be an initial source of relief.
You can register for a free discussion with experts at an Austrian family counselling centre. You can use the search function to find a suitable site near you.
Our interview partner
Eva Bitzan is a qualified Marriage, Family and Life Counsellor, Online Counsellor and Supervisor who works as a site coordinator at auf.leben Ehe-Familien und Lebensberatung in Vienna.
Auf.leben Ehe-Familien und Lebensberatung
Krafftgasse 3
1020 Vienna
Website Auf.leben Vienna
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