The male menopause

crisis

Lots has been written and discussed about the menopause in women – the time of hormonal changes leading up to the end of menstruation. Only a small number of people know that there is a change in men at around the same age.

Here, too, there are some things that can bother men in addition to the hormonal changes such as the reduction in testosterone. “It’s this gradual ageing process that men often don’t even actively notice and they often ignore for a long time that ultimately becomes apparent,” says Peter Jahn. Lots of men start to pull their stomachs in or to avoid situations in which their decreased ability to perform would become apparent. “As men, we often define ourselves by our achievements, we like to measure them and compare ourselves with others, so this process is very difficult for a lot of men and can lead to different reactions.”

Within a couple, Jahn calls this the “wooden age” – the proverbial man preferring to go out and cut wood over spending time with their partner. “This is them fleeing from intimacy, but also the fear of no longer functioning the way people want them to in front of people they love, particularly in bed.”

Others overcompensate, like during a mid-life crisis: the cliché is that they buy a new car or an expensive watch and seek out the recognition of others.

The counsellor’s advice is “instead of grieving what you no longer have, ask yourself what you’ve won. What has ageing brought you?” Instead of feeling that you’re no longer good enough, you could be pleased that you maybe no longer have to do as much and that not as much is needed to be valued as a man.

Jahn tells partners and boyfriends/girlfriends of men who start to act this way to “be sympathetic, and if possible not take it as a personal affront. Remind him of his limits from time to time in a charming and respectful way, remind him how his behaviour hurts YOU and remind him that less is often more.”

Men who want to talk to a professional can make a free appointment in one of the numerous Austrian family counselling centres.

Our interview partner

Peter Jahn is a qualified marriage, family and life counsellor and Phaemo counsellor in training within the team at the counselling centre AUFLEBEN in Vienna.

AUFLEBEN Ehe-, Familien-, u. Lebensberatung / Krafftgasse
Krafftgasse 3
1020 Wien
Website of AUFLEBEN

The interview was conducted in November 2022.