Finding strength in difficult times

Wolfgang Obendrauf works with people who have experienced a trauma or are going through something particularly difficult. This could be separations, relationship problems, anxiety, guilt, exhaustion or bullying. There are lots of events that can trigger crises. “It’s a real challenge for many men in particular, because they’ve learned that they always have to be strong”, says Wolfgang Obendrauf. Needing help and being overstretched are perceived as being “unmanly”.

Lots of women have learned to network better. They use their contacts to talk or seek help. “Men mostly try to help themselves. They often distract themselves by diving into tasks and trying to keep going.”

During a consultation, the expert initially tries to build trust and listen without judging or criticising. It is important to recognise excessive demands for manliness. “Lots of men find it difficult to discern their own feelings and needs and to find the right language to communicate them. What do I need now? How have I managed crises successfully in the past? We need to answer these questions.”

Male friends often struggle with these kinds of statements. “They have learned that they have to provide solutions immediately, but there may not be any at the present time.” People in stressful phases of life primarily need people who understand them – who embolden them and make them feel like they’re not alone. Obendrauf: “It’s often about getting through pain and sadness together, helping them to understand that the situation doesn’t call their manliness into question and things will change”.

The next step is about feeling capable again and using the resources that are available. This could be parents or friends, nature, faith, a job or love for children or a partner. The counsellor says “this process takes time. You need to open yourself back up and be ready for new experiences. You need to invite happiness back in.”

Discussions with neutral experts can be very helpful, particularly in crisis situations. Contact one of the Austrian family counselling centres. You can make an appointment free of charge and talk about your concerns in a protected environment.

Our interview partner

Wolfgang Obendrauf is a qualified systemic life, social, marriage, family and certified sexual counsellor (Austrian Society of Sexual Research) in Männerberatung Graz, Styria.

Männerberatung Graz
Dietrichsteinplatz 15, 1. Stock
8010 Graz
Website Männerberatung Graz

The interview was conducted in Mai 2023.